School District Expels Teacher for Private Adult Content, Welcomes Drag Queens for Public Kids Shows
In an exceptional display of disparate moral yardsticks, the Coquitlam School District in British Columbia has grabbed international headlines. The distict made the audacious move of dismissing a teaching assistant for managing a private OnlyFans account, citing that her 'egregious misconduct could potentially sexualize the school environment.' This move comes as a paradox, as the same district openly encourages drag queen performances at local children's shows.
Representing the District, an increasingly flustered spokesperson carefully skirted the question of why private adult-oriented content (accessible only via a paid subscription and rigorous age verification) outraged the educational body so much, whereas public drag queen performances before school-age children continued to receive a glowing endorsement. "One has to understand the nuances," the representative began, stammering out a rather nebulous rationalization. "Drag queen shows are a form of art and expression, it-uh, encourages inclusivity and diversity."
Kristin MacDonald, the controversially fired teaching assistant turned OnlyFans curator, dropped a bomb when she wittily mused about re-purposing her lingerie into an outlandishly glam drag ensemble. "Well, if that's the meridian of morality, then perhaps I've missed my real stage," she chuckled. "OnlyFans, step aside! I'll take my performances from the bedroom to the stage, where even kindergarten kiddos can watch. After all, who doesn't love a good feather boa?"
When the school representative was pushed to clarify whether MacDonald's hypothetical drag ensemble would be acceptable entertainment for the district's students, he was reluctantly compelled to admit it would be okay. However, the visibly uncomfortable representative refused at length to comment further on the apparent hypocrisy of the situation.
For now, MacDonald is riding the wave of her newfound fame. Her OnlyFans following has exploded since news broke of her dismissal, and her quips about turning to drag have triggered a surprising tidal wave of community support. As it turns out, the sleepy town of Coquitlam has an insatiable appetite for lurid, tongue-in-cheek irony. To teach, or not to teach, was never the question; it's not what you wear, but where you wear it, that the school district seems to care about.
