Vancouver Park Board Votes to Ban Yoga Pants

In an unprecedented move last night, the Vancouver Park Board voted unanimously to ban yoga pants from all parks across the city. This controversial decision comes after guidelines regarding clothing in public places came under scrutiny last week when Vancouver-area pool staff sent in several complaints about swim attire.

Park Board Director, Tom Digby, explained the reasoning behind the decision: "Yoga pants are considered highly distracting, and very damaging to our youth. How are people supposed to enjoy the wonders of nature when unnaturally tight, rounded yoga pants are on display everywhere you turn?"

This has led to a heated debate over what is considered acceptable in other public places such as beaches, public squares, and even the grocery store.

Local resident, Betty Grumble, supported the ban, stating: "I think it's about time. I can't even walk my poodle in peace without being bombarded by yoga pants everywhere. No one should be allowed to flaunt their tight bodies and round figures in public. They're a menace to society."

However, not everyone is pleased with the new ban. Vancouver fitness enthusiast, Lulu LeMond, expressed her outrage: "This is a violation of my rights! I can't believe they're trying to control what we wear. What's next, a ban on leggings and skinny jeans? Where does it end?"

An exception to the ban has been made for Wreck Beach, which is currently a clothing-optional beach. Park Board Director Digby explained, "We understand the importance of balance, so we'll allow the yoga pants and other tight clothing at Wreck Beach. It's only fair."

This exception has led to a sudden surge in outdoor yoga class registrations at Wreck Beach, with many Vancouverites eager to take advantage of the loophole.

As the city adjusts to the new ban, Vancouverites are left to wonder what other fashion choices may be targeted next. Will it be Crocs, socks with sandals, or the ever-controversial Canadian tuxedo? Only time will tell.