Ontario Begins Accepting Elementary School Graduates As Police Recruits

In a bold move to boost the number of police officers in the province, Ontario is now accepting police recruits as young as 13 years old. Premier Doug Ford welcomed this change, stating that it's high time we recognize the potential of our youth and put their skills to good use.

"Kids in elementary schools already have several of the necessary qualifications that are required of a police officer," Ford said. "They're skilled in gun handling with their toy guns, and they've been capturing criminals for years through games like cops and robbers. This is the kind of experience our police force needs."

Twelve-year-old Timmy Thompson eagerly awaits his chance to apply for the program next year. "I've been playing cops and robbers on the playground for years," he said. "I can't wait to take my skills to the real world and help keep Ontario safe."

Toronto Police Chief Myron Demkiw was also thrilled with the decision, citing a recent pilot program as evidence of its potential success. "We added two pre-teen girls to the police force as a trial, and they've already outperformed many officers who have spent several years on the force," Demkiw said. "They have a natural instinct for police work, and their energy is contagious."

Demkiw also emphasized the low-oversight nature of the new recruits. "As we've seen with our outstanding performance over the last decade, our police force doesn't require much oversight," he said. "These young recruits will fit right in and hit the ground running."

According to statistics provided by the Toronto Police, the average 13-year-old recruit is expected to perform at least 23% better in regular policing duties than their adult counterparts. Additionally, the increase in officers will lead to a projected drop in crime rates by 14% over the next two years.

Ontario's decision has already inspired other provinces to consider similar recruitment strategies. Rumours are circulating that British Columbia is considering a pilot program to recruit talented hopscotch players for their traffic division.

As more pre-teens join the force, the future of policing in Ontario looks bright. In the words of young Timmy Thompson, "We're ready to take on the bad guys and keep our province safe, one playground at a time."